When I was younger, I thought I had the best life ever. I had a great group of friends, a wonderful family and plenty of pets to keep myself occupied. I thought I was living someone's life straight from the movies, you know, the ones that had the happily ever afters. For as long as I can remember, I thought that was how all people lived. But now I'm 23, and I'm starting to think some of that life was a lie.
Six years ago, my father was kicked out of the house. He admitted to my mother that he has cheated on her, not only with one girl, but multiple women. The fairy tale life I had always envisioned just crashed in front of my eyes. The late night yelling, the countless number of nights hearing my mother crying. I couldn't figure it out when I was younger, but when my mom dropped the bomb and said she was kicking dad out, it made perfect sense. Little did I know that this very reason would someone come creeping back into my life six years later.
So that was the beginning. In October of 2005, mom filed for divorce from the man that she still somehow loved, but had hurt her the most. It wasn't until 2009 that the divorce was finalized in April. In those years, we still kept in touch with dad, seeing as he only moved a few short blocks away. And still, he kept up with the stupid acts. Girlfriend after girlfriend... and all of them seem to get younger in age, minus -C-. **Won't be using names** At least -C- was closer to dad's age and was at least more presentable than the others. The "others" that I speak of were close to mine and my sister's ages. And were either strippers or drug dealers. Yep, real winners, if you ask me.
But unfortunately, none of them matched the winner that dad has found himself this time. It's "the real deal" he says, and claims he really feels something with her and even asked her to marry him. Oh, okay dad, what can you tell us about her? "Oh, she's 27 and she dances. Lives in Holmen and works at apac". Oh, did you say 27? Yeah, he certainly did. Well, my sister and I being the overly angry people with news like this, we go on facebook and burst into rants about how this is ridiculous. Well, little did I know, this is indeed a small world. A friend from high school knows this girl... and even claims that this new girl, can't be more than 21!! That's right 21.
So, me being the technology freak that I am, went into investigative mode and tried searching for this girl on facebook. No luck. With the info that I got from my friend -B-, dad's girl -S- is what I'll call her, is a very dirty and ghetto person. So I thought, where do dirty, ghetto people go on the internet? MySpace. :-D
Well that was the gold mine, I found -S's- sister which then linked a picture to her profile. Oh, and wouldn't you know, she really IS 21 years old. Very baby faced, too. Well, I printed off a picture of her and with the help of my sister, got up the courage to confront my dad. Now, in no way am I a confrontational person. I don't like doing it and I don't like getting/taking it. In a way, I'm like my dad because of that, but it needed to be done.
Longer story short, I told him about the age, showed him the picture, etc etc... the next day or so, dad texts my sister and says he lied about her age, because we would keep pressing on about her, blah blah. Which also means he lied to one of his sisters, as well. I was pissed, so bad that I was shaking. My sister, too. She called the sister he lied to, and I called our mom. Needless to say, I broke down on the phone, like hardcore. So bad that my mom left work early that day, even with me telling her that she really didn't need to. Was she afraid of what my sister and I would do, or wouldn't do? Pretty much.
So, here we were, faced with this situation that was now "our problem" as dad worded it, and that we should "just get over it". Get over it? How can we get over the fact that we are going to have a 21 year old step-mother, that strips, smokes and hangs with shady people? I mean, she is YOUNGER THAN ME and I'm his youngest child. A certain phone call to my dad one day got everything out in the open. Through tears and swear words, I told him how I felt and how wrong this situation was. The fact that he can't see that this girl is using him for all he's got, which isn't much.
*sigh*
I am so emotionally scarred right now. From the moment I found out what my dad did to my mother, I bottled everything up and still do sometimes. I used to be more lively than what I am. Now, I have this shy exterior. I blame everything in my past for that. I hate having to go through daily life thinking of what will come next. Going to work and having to pretend everything is okay, laughing when I don't really feel like laughing. Sure, I love getting away from the drama for a few hours, but even surrounding myself with good people doesn't make things better. It helps, though. Not to mention my trust issues. I only have a handful of people I trust and confide in these days. I hate getting close to people for fear of this same thing happening to me. I hate the fact that I have liked guys in the past but always found it too difficult to want to further things, even more so now. No person should have to suffer through things I've gone through.
In the end, my father has lied to his family multiple times over the last few weeks, refuses to tell us anything about the girl (even though we're good at finding things out ourselves.) And this is why he didn't get a "happy father's day" greeting from anyone.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Selfish-ness
The title says it all, in my opinion. It's one of those things where you either are or aren't. In my case, I'm quite the selfish person, I admit it. Most people will deny the fact. But props to the people who indeed to admit it.
We often times just think about ourselves, only want to talk about ourselves (problems, situations, lives, etc...). in other cases, we wish we could have something that more than likely will never be ours. For example, people have this thing in their minds that think they can get with their favorite actor/actress/singer/comedian and so on and so forth. Well, some people do get to be that lucky.
But then there are the people who still think that, and then find out their favorite person already has a boyfriend or girlfriend, or are even married. So what happens then? That person suddenly puts on their "all about me" mode and start devising plans on ways for that person to break up with their partner and hopefully take that person's place. Why? Because that person is selfish and wants everything to go their way, even if that 'way' is crazy and will never happen.
It's kind of like when you strike a match and then light a candle. First the flame is small, but then it grows. Even sometimes getting out of control and starting an even bigger fire, then you're S.O.L.
But you know, some people are just 'destined' to be the one chosen by someone famous. Sure, they're lucky, but it shouldn't be the end of the world... and it shouldn't come to the point of trying to find ways of making those people break up. Selfish. As with any relationship, it may or may not work. Just because they've been together for over a year, or whatever it is, doesn't mean they are soul mates.
As for me, I'm trying to work on the selfishness. It's not a major problem in my life, but it does pop up at times. It's under control... my flame is under control :)
Happy reading.
~Kim~
We often times just think about ourselves, only want to talk about ourselves (problems, situations, lives, etc...). in other cases, we wish we could have something that more than likely will never be ours. For example, people have this thing in their minds that think they can get with their favorite actor/actress/singer/comedian and so on and so forth. Well, some people do get to be that lucky.
But then there are the people who still think that, and then find out their favorite person already has a boyfriend or girlfriend, or are even married. So what happens then? That person suddenly puts on their "all about me" mode and start devising plans on ways for that person to break up with their partner and hopefully take that person's place. Why? Because that person is selfish and wants everything to go their way, even if that 'way' is crazy and will never happen.
It's kind of like when you strike a match and then light a candle. First the flame is small, but then it grows. Even sometimes getting out of control and starting an even bigger fire, then you're S.O.L.
But you know, some people are just 'destined' to be the one chosen by someone famous. Sure, they're lucky, but it shouldn't be the end of the world... and it shouldn't come to the point of trying to find ways of making those people break up. Selfish. As with any relationship, it may or may not work. Just because they've been together for over a year, or whatever it is, doesn't mean they are soul mates.
As for me, I'm trying to work on the selfishness. It's not a major problem in my life, but it does pop up at times. It's under control... my flame is under control :)
Happy reading.
~Kim~
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Don't close the book on me.... you're beautiful.
There is something in life that bothers me about some people. There are a few billion people in the world that have things called FLAWS. Okay, make that everyone. We all have them, it's something we deal with daily. Some more often than others, but they are there. Some may bite their nails constantly, some may swear every other word, others might just have some kind of bodily function that just doesn't work properly.
But you know what? Who cares? I'm one of those people who can see past flaws in others and won't judge them because of it. I won't not introduce myself to someone if they are biting their nails. Yeah, biting nails is gross, but hey, people do it. We live with it.
Then there are the people out there who think they are too good for everyone else. The people who think they are perfect, want nothing but perfection and won't settle for anything else. The kind of people who WILL judge other people and be all, "Ew, gross". Well, hate to burst their bubbles, but those people SUCK. They are probably the people who, at the end of the day, think things are going great, but in reality it's not.
I take my leave now and will step off of my soap box for now. Until I find something else to rant about or something that I must talk about. There is something, but this is going on long enough.
Peace.
~Kim
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Simple things are always the best
I read something today that really made me stop and think.
A story from an anonymous lady was, absolutely without a doubt, one of the best things I have ever read. She writes about an experience while shopping at a pretty big name store. This lady had just gotten what she needed and was walking to check out, when she noticed two girls, probably in their early twenties. Very pretty, a lot of make up and jewelry, and wearing nice clothes. The two of them had an abundant amount of items and were checking out before this lady.
This lady claims she is a very patient person, but couldn't help but get irritated while watching these girls. Apparently one of the girls claims she only got one of her pairs of shoes to make another girl jealous (wow, really?)...and the other girl was saying things like, "oh I'll only wear these things once and then find something new to wear". A little too materialistic?
Finally the two girls walked off with their bags and the lady was about to walk up to the cashier, when she overheard a young boy talking to his mother. The little boy said, "I've been saving my allowance for over two months and I can finally get them." The lady looks back and notices the boy holding a box of Adidas shoes. She claims that he's holding them, as if he just won the most important prize ever. Being a softy, the lady tells the boy's mom that they can go before her if they wanted. The little boy smiled even bigger and thanked the lady.
Apparently the two girls spent about $300 each, on things that may or may not be used more than once. Now don't get me wrong, if I spend money on clothes or shoes, I make sure to get my moneys worth. And not toss them aside once something new comes out.
No offense to those girls, or any other girls who are like that... but get off of your high horse. Money doesn't always solve everything, and really shouldn't be used to buy something to make another girl jealous or just to be worn once. How can they appreciate their items if they only wear them once? The little boy who bought his Adidas shoes will probably get so much use out of those things until they are worn out, and only spent a small fraction of what those girls did. Now HE will appreciate that and good for him. At least he didn't go to the store with an excuse just to spend (a lot of) money.
I don't see why people need to be like that?
Take my birthday, for example, which was on the 20th of January. My mom asked me what I wanted, and I kept telling her, I didn't want anything... yet she still asked. So finally after the 50th time, I told her I would take a new clothes basket. That's it, that's all I wanted. (And I did get it, by the way). I really don't see the need to get things when I don't want them.. besides, I was perfectly fine with just spending my birthday with my amazing friends and family, which is a great gift all together.
Another thing I got, were two replies on Twitter from two amazing guys, which I didn't expect to get, but I decided to go for it anyways. Oliver and James Phelps really gave me one of those simple kinds of gifts that not only meant a lot, but also didn't cost a thing. It sounds really corny to say that, but to be honest, it's the truth. So thank you guys =)
Sometimes it's the little (and less expensive) things in life that are most memorable. :) I appreciate & cherish everything in my life right now, so much more than I did.
~Kim
This lady claims she is a very patient person, but couldn't help but get irritated while watching these girls. Apparently one of the girls claims she only got one of her pairs of shoes to make another girl jealous (wow, really?)...and the other girl was saying things like, "oh I'll only wear these things once and then find something new to wear". A little too materialistic?
Finally the two girls walked off with their bags and the lady was about to walk up to the cashier, when she overheard a young boy talking to his mother. The little boy said, "I've been saving my allowance for over two months and I can finally get them." The lady looks back and notices the boy holding a box of Adidas shoes. She claims that he's holding them, as if he just won the most important prize ever. Being a softy, the lady tells the boy's mom that they can go before her if they wanted. The little boy smiled even bigger and thanked the lady.
Apparently the two girls spent about $300 each, on things that may or may not be used more than once. Now don't get me wrong, if I spend money on clothes or shoes, I make sure to get my moneys worth. And not toss them aside once something new comes out.
No offense to those girls, or any other girls who are like that... but get off of your high horse. Money doesn't always solve everything, and really shouldn't be used to buy something to make another girl jealous or just to be worn once. How can they appreciate their items if they only wear them once? The little boy who bought his Adidas shoes will probably get so much use out of those things until they are worn out, and only spent a small fraction of what those girls did. Now HE will appreciate that and good for him. At least he didn't go to the store with an excuse just to spend (a lot of) money.
I don't see why people need to be like that?
Take my birthday, for example, which was on the 20th of January. My mom asked me what I wanted, and I kept telling her, I didn't want anything... yet she still asked. So finally after the 50th time, I told her I would take a new clothes basket. That's it, that's all I wanted. (And I did get it, by the way). I really don't see the need to get things when I don't want them.. besides, I was perfectly fine with just spending my birthday with my amazing friends and family, which is a great gift all together.
Another thing I got, were two replies on Twitter from two amazing guys, which I didn't expect to get, but I decided to go for it anyways. Oliver and James Phelps really gave me one of those simple kinds of gifts that not only meant a lot, but also didn't cost a thing. It sounds really corny to say that, but to be honest, it's the truth. So thank you guys =)
Sometimes it's the little (and less expensive) things in life that are most memorable. :) I appreciate & cherish everything in my life right now, so much more than I did.
~Kim
I could get used to this...
Day two of blogging? I am on a roll! But I figure, either with an imaginary audience or not, I will express my thoughts whether they make sense or not =)
Just finished watching American Idol with my mom, and wow, there were some interesting people on there. The best was probably the gay guy that was hitting on Simon, then made Katy Perry say that she felt dirty. Not to mention he sang, "I touch myself" by the Divinyls, and was throwing himself all over the place in a sexual manner. haha, epic.
Now having another movie night, this time watching "sister act 2: back in the habit". I love watching the movies that I grew up on, having memorized all of the lines and songs, and thinking the movie is still just as great. Good times.
Ah, earlier today I saw a mouse outside... running out from under my neighbor's garage door. Creeped me out and made me cringe, even though the little bugger was at least 10 ft away from me... yuck. End of story.
**********
Okay, so I planned on finishing my blog earlier this evening. But now it's after midnight and here I am once again. Only this time, I'm blogging after drinking a few vodka & cranberries. Quite delicious and I'm doin' pretty well... well, actually, I tried playing tennis and golf on the Wii and truth is... it was quite funny.
But the even better part was winning Mario Party on nintendo 64 against my sister and her boyfriend, while drinking. good fun, it was.
So to kill more time before I need to pass out, I got bored and started looking up dream interpretations... but something else caught my eye.
~Kim~
Just finished watching American Idol with my mom, and wow, there were some interesting people on there. The best was probably the gay guy that was hitting on Simon, then made Katy Perry say that she felt dirty. Not to mention he sang, "I touch myself" by the Divinyls, and was throwing himself all over the place in a sexual manner. haha, epic.
Now having another movie night, this time watching "sister act 2: back in the habit". I love watching the movies that I grew up on, having memorized all of the lines and songs, and thinking the movie is still just as great. Good times.
Ah, earlier today I saw a mouse outside... running out from under my neighbor's garage door. Creeped me out and made me cringe, even though the little bugger was at least 10 ft away from me... yuck. End of story.
**********
Okay, so I planned on finishing my blog earlier this evening. But now it's after midnight and here I am once again. Only this time, I'm blogging after drinking a few vodka & cranberries. Quite delicious and I'm doin' pretty well... well, actually, I tried playing tennis and golf on the Wii and truth is... it was quite funny.
But the even better part was winning Mario Party on nintendo 64 against my sister and her boyfriend, while drinking. good fun, it was.
So to kill more time before I need to pass out, I got bored and started looking up dream interpretations... but something else caught my eye.
Astral projection
The ability to leave ones body and travel to a higher realm. I'm not going to lie, but the thought of that actually happening is kind of interesting. Whether it's because of a near death experience, or from a simple dream. The fact that our "body" could end up somewhere else is cool. It would be weird if we ended up in some strangers dream and they woke up being all, "what the hell?" Hey, anything is possible. But, the freaky part would be if that person saw the real person from the dream. Freaky, but still kind of cool to think about. If you think about it, where do our minds really go when we're sleeping?
With that thought fresh on my mind, I am going to bed. All of this excitement will make me stay up late again and I can't be doing that =)
~Kim~
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Shabalabadingdong
Insomnia is a pain, really. It's after 2 am and here I am, blogging. I'm starting to think that I should either make a really strong drink before wanting to go to bed or find some other tactic. Because I know for a fact that when I do eventually fall asleep, an hour or two later my phone will be beeping, no doubt telling me people are starting to tweet. That's what I get for following people outside of the US and are hours ahead. ;)
My mind can't seem to hush up at the moment... which is probably why I'm blogging at the moment. I wish there were on and off switches for things in life, especially at this hour. Good thing my ipod is charged and ready to get things back on track. Although, I should probably listen to better music... there are some songs that are simply amazing, but when they get stuck in your head, you just want it to stop after so many times of it going over and over.
Another thing that has been bothering me, is the fact that this year is already going by way too fast. It's almost February, for goodness sake. Whatever happened to the days that took their sweet old time going by, where we could ask ourselves, "Why can't this day/week/month/year be going by any faster?" I should kick myself for asking that question so many times.
Well, that seems to be enough for now. I'm going to try an attempt at getting myself relaxed enough to sleep. And hopefully pray that it doesn't snow anymore... I don't need to be slipping on anymore ice, which I swear wasn't there, but I didn't listen to my mother and of course almost fell. Typical. =)
-Kim
My mind can't seem to hush up at the moment... which is probably why I'm blogging at the moment. I wish there were on and off switches for things in life, especially at this hour. Good thing my ipod is charged and ready to get things back on track. Although, I should probably listen to better music... there are some songs that are simply amazing, but when they get stuck in your head, you just want it to stop after so many times of it going over and over.
Another thing that has been bothering me, is the fact that this year is already going by way too fast. It's almost February, for goodness sake. Whatever happened to the days that took their sweet old time going by, where we could ask ourselves, "Why can't this day/week/month/year be going by any faster?" I should kick myself for asking that question so many times.
Well, that seems to be enough for now. I'm going to try an attempt at getting myself relaxed enough to sleep. And hopefully pray that it doesn't snow anymore... I don't need to be slipping on anymore ice, which I swear wasn't there, but I didn't listen to my mother and of course almost fell. Typical. =)
-Kim
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
The trend.
I haven't written anything since February... partially because I'm not too fond of writing blogs and always seem to forget that I have it. So with that on the side, I'm here now, writing to my imaginary audience.
New movies for 2009 are looking way amazing. Two that I haven't seen, but really want to see are "The Blind Side" and "2012". But the major box office opener is "New Moon"! I had to pleasure of seeing it on Saturday (Nov. 21st) and was blown away with how they did things. Sure, it was slightly rushed and they threw a lot in with the two hour time slot, but I loved it. The ending slayed me, though... since it shouldn't have happened till Eclipse. But who cares, it makes for a great cliffhanger.
It's pretty funny how seeing a movie can trigger so many funny conversations between friends. One of my best friends and I have so many weird "werewolf" convo's almost every night, and a few spots throughout the day, as well. I cry, sometimes, till it hurts... mostly from laughing at the crazy things we end up saying. It's a good time and makes things that much better.
Alright, that is all for now. Maybe I can try to promise myself to keep coming on here a few more times... and not in say, eight months. ;)
-Kim
New movies for 2009 are looking way amazing. Two that I haven't seen, but really want to see are "The Blind Side" and "2012". But the major box office opener is "New Moon"! I had to pleasure of seeing it on Saturday (Nov. 21st) and was blown away with how they did things. Sure, it was slightly rushed and they threw a lot in with the two hour time slot, but I loved it. The ending slayed me, though... since it shouldn't have happened till Eclipse. But who cares, it makes for a great cliffhanger.
It's pretty funny how seeing a movie can trigger so many funny conversations between friends. One of my best friends and I have so many weird "werewolf" convo's almost every night, and a few spots throughout the day, as well. I cry, sometimes, till it hurts... mostly from laughing at the crazy things we end up saying. It's a good time and makes things that much better.
Alright, that is all for now. Maybe I can try to promise myself to keep coming on here a few more times... and not in say, eight months. ;)
-Kim
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)